My 12 New Things

Friday, December 17, 2010

Obama, Sex Tape, Twitter, Oh My!

If you follow my blog or have ever met me or my family, you'll already know that we're not a scandalous group. I'm pretty conservative. My parents are uber conservative. We're all good Christian folk.

Yet, my dad suggested I make a sex tape with President Obama. Sort of.

Let me explain this sordid suggestion. One night on the phone with my dad (my trusted advisor and a key strategist in my life), I was lamenting that it's hard to keep up the day job, figure out who I want to be when I grow up, handle normal daily life like making sure we have groceries in the refrigerator and that my kid has clean socks, on top of trying to pursue writing projects. I have a dream of being a fancy writer someday, with actual published work.

While my dad empathized with my struggle he told me that sometimes you have to just make time for it all if it's something you really want to do. My parents are the hardest working people I know, usually juggling multiple ventures at the same time and burning the candle at both ends to get it all done. As a freelance author for several magazines, my dad went on to say, "You know, sometimes it doesn't hurt to make a name for yourself." 

My dad went on to reference a controversial post-WWII article he had read years ago in which the writer made a bold statement that the men were coming home from the war to ugly women and that these women should be more appreciative of what their men had just gone through by trying harder on their appearance(s). (I'm paraphrasing). This bold article caused quite a stir, but the writer went on to have a successful career as he'd created a following with his attention-grabbing (albeit incredibly rude) headline.

When it comes to my parents, I like a little shock value every now and then just for giggles. So, thinking of all the starlets that have become instant brands with the ability to peddle oodles of merchandise, I said, "Are you telling me I need to release a sex tape to gain some publicity for my writing, Dad?" I expected him to say something to the effect of that not being a very Christian thing to do and that I need to not be so crass.

"Well," my dad calmly assessed, "it would have to be with Obama or somebody of that level to really make headlines." After I picked my jaw off the floor, I laughed uncontrollably for a good two minutes.

This conversation happened weeks ago and I have told virtually every one of my friends this story who have all concurred that it was an ironically hysterical topic to have discussed at all, but I wavered back and forth as to whether I should post it on my blog. What if my boss or a potential employer someday stumbles across this and reads about my Christian devotional book in one post and discussion of an Obama sex tape in the next?

Surely that would come back to impact me negatively. At the very least I may come off as an imbalanced or confused individual. That, and obviously creating controversy just for attention is rather cheap and not something I would advocate for. I have my morals and all, you know.

Then, today I discovered something shocking and decided I'd just throw caution to the wind and put it all out there for fun.

President Obama follows me on Twitter. You read that right. Forty-Fourth President of the United States Barack Obama (or to be technical in Twitter-speak @BarackObama) follows ME on Twitter.

Granted, he is (or more likely his staff are) following 707,803 other people too. BUT... he has 6,117,797 followers, i.e. he's not following everybody. I think that might mean I'm cool. Cool enough to follow on Twitter. By the way, you should follow me on Twitter- @ShannahG....

Upon realizing that all of my tweets are listed on the Presidential Twitter page, I instantly became giddy with my new political influence and began thinking of all of the fun things I could send my pal Barack ("President Obama" seems so formal now that I know we're Twitter friends) via Direct Message, a privilege reserved only for those who follow and are followed alike by someone on Twitter.

(For those of you that aren't familiar with Twitter, it can be one-way communication when you follow someone you don't know, such as celebrities and other public figures. For example, I follow Ashton Kutcher. I can see everything he posts, but what I post doesn't show up on his feed because he doesn't follow me. I also don't have access to send Ashton a Direct Message since he doesn't follow me. You follow?)

Shortly after making this monumental (and life changing, I'm sure) discovery, some coworkers took me to lunch for an early birthday celebration (the big 3-0 takes effect tomorrow. Eek). When they told me they were picking up the check, I feigned discomfort, explaining, "I feel bad letting you do that now that I have political influence." In the car on the way to the restaurant, a coworker's cell phone rang. I asked if the person on the phone had been informed yet of my political influence. In the bathroom right before lunch, I informed another coworker that I would need to start thinking of others more now that I have political influence.

I promise I won't mention my political influence for at least another few hours or so.

I called my dad a little while ago to ask if he would disown me if I link him to a blog posting with "Obama Sex Tape." He didn't answer the phone, so I guess it's consent by default.

If you're a future potential employer, please know that I'm not deranged. I don't secretly want to make a sex tape with President Obama and I am a perfectly intelligent and balanced individual.

Mrs. Obama, if you're manning the Twitter account tonight and see this, please forgive me. I have an unnamed disorder that makes me sometimes think I'm funny when I'm not. This is especially true if you don't think this is funny. If you do think this is funny, I take back the disorder claim and take full ownership.

*Note- Upon further investigation it doesn't seem as though there is actual criteria that must be met in order to make you eligible for @BarackObama to follow you on Twitter. 

Some user names and self proclaimed descriptions of the other 707,803: 
Tootie 1955 Mental retardation professional, happily married to the love of my life, lover, grandmother of 4 and mom to 1 min. wiener dog. 
Steve_Bebe Always bored
UnderOathAngel bipolar hippie
Zac420 likes to smoke


  1. Nice, I think I have that same disorder that makes me think I'm funny sometimes when I'm not too. :)